I'm Done
by Jirapan
Summary: Santana is feeling hurt and guilty about Brittany and Quinn. Her and Rachel have an argument which pushes Santana, making her run away crying. Rachel chases after her, but can't find her. Santana is missing. Rachel and Kurt call up the whole gang and they come to New York to find their friend. But are they to late? Brittana. M for language, self harm.
1. Missing

"Dammit Rachel will you please just stop nagging me, I'm trying here!" Santana yelled. For the past week Rachel has been non-stop tell Santana that she needed to do something more than just mope around the house. It has been a month since Mr. Schue's wedding and Santana has been feeling guilty about what happened with Quinn and heartbroken at seeing how in love Brittany was with Sam.

"Santana, I know you are, but me, Kurt, and Brody can't keep providing for you, we can barely provide for ourselves. You need to start doing something and stop feeling so depressed over Brittany and Quinn," Rachel argued. It was true, they were running low on money and Santana has literally done nothing, but mope silently around apartment.

"I can't stop okay, I- I had sex with my straight best friend, got her drunk for my own damn benefit and got her to sleep with me because I was so damn angry and upset at watching Brittany smiling and laughing at Sam and kissing him. And the stupid part of it is I have no right to feel these things because I broke up with her and hurt her first. I told her she had a right to date anyone she wanted. Now I turn around and try to get her back because she's dating someone and it's not right of me," Santana whispered the ending. She let a tear slip down her face.

"Santana, it's perfectly right to get upset about someone you love being with another and the Quinn thing is perfectly understandable, it wasn't the best choice, but understandable and I'm sure Brittany would think the same thing," Rachel tried to reason. She absolutely hated to see the once strong, bitchy girl, turn into a small, weak puppy. Rachel had seen and heard Santana cry one to many times this month.

"No, she'll just believe it was just some revenge and hate me forever; I can't deal with that… I can't deal with all this bullshit life has thrown at me. Everything was perfect in senior year, I was with the person I loved the most, I was on good terms with everyone and now everything is going to shit because I stupid fucking mistake I made!" Santana cried.

"Santana, one mistake can't ruin your life, especially one about breaking up," Rachel said.

"But it did, I haven't been happy since I left for college. Everyday feels like another war I have to face and it's killing me. I'm so tired of fighting, I thought I was done when I finally came out and accepted my love for Brittany, but now it's just started up again and I just can't take it. I can't take you or Kurt yelling at me, I can't take the constant offers I get from guys around this city, I can't take not being with Brittany and seeing and knowing her being with someone else the she used to be with me. I can't take the fact that I made Quinn do something that I know she wouldn't have done sober. I'm just done every fucking thing," Santana said, her tears had stopped and Rachel noticed how pale Santana had gotten over the course of her speech, and it made Rachel immediately worry.

"What do you mean you're done?" Rachel asked, Santana shook her head and gave a slight smile.

"Just what it means, I'm done," and with that Santana walked out of the door. Rachel stood there dumfounded, trying to decipher if Santana truly meant that she was done. Out of panic and concern Rachel raced after Santana, but when Rachel got out side of the building she couldn't see the Latina anywhere. Rachel looked back and forth down the street and soon paced down one way looking. After she got to the end of the street and looked down the others she paced back up to the other end and checked there. Santana was nowhere to be seen.

"Shit, no no no no," Rachel muttered to herself running up the stairs and going back into the apartment. Rachel reached for her phone and called Kurt.

"Hello," Kurt asked, chipper.

"Kurt, Santana she um, I- she," Rachel kept tripping over her words, trying to find out where to start.

"Rachel, Rachel…. RACHEL!" Kurt yelled finally getting Rachel to stop, "take a deep breath and tell what happened,' Kurt said, his heart thumped while his brain racked for what about Santana was making Rachel freak out. Rachel followed his instructions and took a deep shaky breath and started again.

"Santana and I were… well I was telling her that she needed to stop moping about Brittany and Quinn and start pulling her weight… again and she just went off the complete deep and. I mean she told me everything she was feeling and started crying. Then she said she was done with everything and I asked her what she meant and she just said that she was just done and left. I mean I tried to follow her, but I have no idea where she went and I'm scared she might do something Kurt… this is all my fault if I wouldn't have brought up the stupid weight pulling thing and just left her to deal with what she was feeling she would have never have left and I feel terrible, what if something happened to her then it would be all my fault and it would be like Quinn getting in a car crash all over again, because I pushed when I shouldn't have and I'm just freaking out," Rachel started crying, only the worse scenarios running through her head.

"Rachel, calm down, I'll head over there right now, have you called Brody?" Kurt asked.

"No," Rachel's voice was rough.

"Okay, call Brody tell him what happened and when we get there, we'll all go out and look for Santana,' Kurt said, he was trying as hard as he could to keep calm, he didn't want this to be a repeat of Karofskey, but this time no one getting to Santana in time.

"Okay,' Rachel said and hung up. Quickly she dialed Brody and told him too, but her crying got worse. Soon both Brody and Kurt were at the apartment.

"Okay let's go find her," Kurt said opening the door. Rachel stood there looking at her feet, Brody walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, and she looked up at him.

"We're going to find Santana," he said, "we're going to find her and she is going to be alive," he said trying to reassure her. She smiled weakly and nodded, and then they headed out.

**With Santana**

Santana ran until her lung burned, her throat screamed in pain and her legs finally gave out, making her fall to her hands and knees. She couldn't stop the tears, the waves of guilt and hurt rushing through her. She hated this, this is why she never wanted to deal with feelings… this is why without feeling I's better, not the other way around. If she didn't use feelings then she wouldn't be hurt. If she had her walls, she never would have had to protect herself, but she broke her rules and let Brittany in. Thinking about brought a raw, painful scream through her throat while she punched the ground; continuously she rammed her fist into the dirt until her brain screamed at her to stop. Her body heaved trying to recover oxygen it lost. Her heart thumped painfully through her chest, sharing the pain throughout the body. Slowly she sat back on her heels and looked around. She had no idea where she was, it seem to be an abandoned railway track. Santana soon calmed herself down and took her phone out. She saw multiple missed calls and texts from Rachel, Kurt and Brody; she quickly deleted them and looked up her mothers number. A few rings sounded till her mother picked up.

"Hello mija, good to hear from you," her mothers voice was so happy and cheerful; Santana felt slight envy for her.

"Mami," Santana croaked into the phone, "Is it alright if I come home and stay a few days?" Santana asked.

"I'm so sorry Mija, but your father and I are on vacation in Italy, he just got a promotion and we're celebrating, but next month we'll be back, we'd love for you to come then," her mother said genuinely.

"Oh… okay," Santana said sadly, she wasn't sure she would be here next month.

"Santana… is everything okay, you don't sound like yourself," her mother asked, concern filled her voice.

"I'm fine, I have to go,' Santana rushed.

"Okay, well I'll see you next month?" she asked, hope evident in her voice. Santana paused and sighed.

"Goodbye," Santana said pulling her phone away from her ear. Before she ended her call she heard er mothers voice.

"Santana-"click. Santana stared at her phone. Anger quickly took over, anger for her mother being happy without her, angry at herself for feeling that way and angry for not telling her mother that she loved her one last time. Santana pounded her phone into the ground and screamed, throwing it away. Santana put her face into her hands and sobbed, the pain taking over again. After a few minutes Santana looked up, determination on her face. She got to her feet and started walking, wanting to end her pain.

**6:00 a.m Gay-Berry, Santana, and Brody's apartment.**

"She was nowhere, what if she's already… gone," Rachel said aggravated and throwing her coat on the ground.

"She's not, it was only the three of us looking for her in New York, we need more people, we need out friends," Kurt said.

"He's right, we need a lot more people to look for her, but we should call the police," Brody said.

"And say what? She left on her own and even if we did it hasn't been forty-eight hours yet, they won't put out a missing persons report," Rachel said angrily.

"Then we call our friends… I'll handle Lima, you get ahold of Quinn, Mike, and Mercedes," Kurt said, Rachel sighed and nodded. Rachel pulled out her phone and called Quinn.

"Hello," Quinn answered.

"Quinn," Rachel's voice shook.

"Rachel? What's wrong?" Quinn asked, Rachel never called out of the blue before.

"It's Santana," Rachel said.

"What? What about Santana? Rachel tell me what's going on," Quinn was starting to panic.

"She… she's missing, she left saying she was done with everything and left, we looked for her but this city is way too big, the three of us can't search it, we need you… I'm so worried that she might try something," Rachel cried into the phone.

"Okay, I'll leave right now, I'll be there… she's going to be fine," Quinn said hurriedly as she started to grab her things to leave.

"Kay," Rachel said and hung up, she looked over to Kurt who was talking to who she assumed to be Finn.

**Lima, Ohio after school in WMHS in the choir room.**

"Dude, calm down I'm not following what you're saying," Finn said into the phone, he could tell that Kurt was panicked and scared. Everyone was watching the conversation since the call took place during Glee Club.

"Santana, she and Rachel had an argument and Santana just freaked out, saying she was done with everything and then left. We looked for her all night and we can't find her. We need help, New York is too big of a city for three people to look for one person, we need all of you down here…. We're worried she might hurt herself," Kurt said more slowly. Finn stayed silent for a few seconds taking everything in.

"Okay, yeah we'll be there," Finn said hanging up. He looked to all the Glee kids and Mr. Schue.

"Finn, what's wrong?" Mr. Schue asked taking it Finns slightly paled face.

"Uh, um Santana… she's missing. They need out help looking for her," Finn said.

"What? Why don't they call the police? This is serious," Tina exclaimed first.

"Santana ran out crying, and they said the police wouldn't bother because she left willingly, she's over age, and it also hasn't been forty-eight hours yet, so they wouldn't even put up a missing persons bulletin anyway," Finn said. Everyone looked shocked; Brittany had a worried expression on her face. Why would Santana run away, she was supposed to be in New York, having fun, being happy, finding a girlfriend and living out her dreams, not crying and running away.

"They want us to go there, they said they also are calling Quinn, Mercedes, and Mike… I'm going," Finn said.

"Me too," Tina said standing up.

"Whoa guys, you're being a little hasty, we're not sure if Santana really ran away, and you just can't go to New York, you have to get permission from your parents. I'm sure Santana is just fine," Mr. Schue said standing up.

"Mr. Schue is right, Santana does have a habit of over reacting to things, this is probably one of her running stunts that she usually does," Sam agreed.

"Well you aren't positive of that either, and I rather be looking for her and finding out she's okay and that is was just an overreaction than to be visiting her in the hospital or being invited to her funeral," Tina snapped at Sam and Mr. Schue. Thy bowed their heads knowing she had a point.

"Don't say that," Brittany whispered. She got up out of her chair and started heading for the door.

"Britt where are you going?" Sam asked. She turned around and looked at him before her eyes scanned the rest of them.

"I'm going to go look for my best friend and show you that she is fine, she isn't dead and she isn't going to be for another hundred years, I'm sure of it. I know you guys didn't like Santana all that much and thought she was a bitch, but you don't know what she's really like, you don't know that she is super sweet and would do anything for her friends and that even though she wouldn't admit it, she actually liked you guys," Brittany turned and headed out the door.

"I'm with Brittany, my mom won't care," Marley said standing up and walking out, Jake and Ryder close behind her. Finn nodded and headed out with Tina. Wade, Joe, and Blaine were next to leave. Kitty sighed and got up too, followed by Puck who was sitting in on the club. Artie started wheeling himself out.

"You two Artie? I thought you hated her?" Sam asked astonished. Artie turned and looked at him.

"I know Santana did some pretty terrible things to me, and messed with my relationship with Brittany, but she really isn't that bad of a person, and I'm not going to let the past between us get in between what is happening now," Artie said and turned back going out the classroom. Mr. Schue sighed and ran his hand through his hair defeated. Sam grumbled and got up, following the mass of people going out to look for Santana.

**Apartment 28 hours missing**

Everyone was in the apartment talking about what happened. Rachel finally got them to be quite while she explained the last few months to them, about her and Kurt constantly telling Santana she needed to get a job or do something, Santanas late night crying fits, the depressed mood she's been in and her regrets.

"You what?" Finn asked shocked looking at Quinn.

"I was drunk you guys, I thought it would be a fun experiment," Quinn defended.

"She was… how could you do that I thought we were friends! She just isn't an experiment!" Brittany yelled at Quinn.

"I know, we are friends Brittany, and like I said I was super drunk, I wasn't thinking right. And besides what's the difference between me and Santana getting together and you and Sam getting together?" Quinn questioned.

"It's different because…" Brittany trailed off trying to find a reason.

"Exactly, me getting with Santana, whom you've dated and now are broken up with, is no different that you being with Sam whom me and Santana both dated and broken op with, you don't have right to be mad with us. Especially after you specifically told Santana to move on," Quinn argued. They continued their banter till Kurt cut in.

"Enough! Look you guys can have this argument later, right now out friend, your best friend is out there in who knows what state. We don't have time to argue about this, right now Santana needs us, and for all we know she could be injured, or being hurt, or… as much as I hate to say it, dying. So put whatever conflicts you have with each other side for right now so we can find her, you can argue and fight all you want after we find her for all I care," Kurt said. Everyone quieted down and nodded.

"Good, no we need to split up into groups of three, me, Quinn, Brittany, and Sam; Finn, Puck, and Brody; Jake, Ryder, Marley, and Wade; Mercedes, Kitty, and Tina; Mike, Artie, and Joe; and Blaine, Kurt, and…"

"Us," Mr. Schue said from the door, he had Sue, Beiste, and Emma behind him, and they were smiling slightly. Rachel smiled and nodded.

"Blaine, Kurt, Mr. Schue, Mrs. Pillsbury, Ms. Sylvester, and Coach Beiste," Rachel affirmed. They all nodded.

"Alright, now we have six groups, Kurt and them will go south, my group will go east, Marleys group will go North, Mercedes group will head west, Mikes will handle the middle of the city, and Rachels will do the outskirts of the city," Brody said. They all nodded and left the building, getting in their cars and driving to their assigned areas.

**Santana**

Santana had been walking all night, and got back into the city. She was weak and exaughsted, but still determined. Slowly she walked into a store where the clerk gave her a look and watched her as she grabbed and box of plastic sandwich bags. Santana went up to her and sat them down. The clerk grabbed them and scanned them, pressing in a few buttons.

"Will this be all?" he asked, Santana nodded, "2.26," the clerk said, Santana brought out her wallet and pulled out a twenty.

"Keep the change," Santana murmured and walked out with the baggies. She walked to a bridge that went over a river. She stared at it for what seemed like hours till she brought out her phone and started typing. She typed all her goodbyes out and saved the note. Slowly she took the memory card out and opened the box. She grabbed a bag out and slipped the card in there before sealing it tight. Then she put that bag in another and put her cellphone in with it. Next she brought out her id and put it in the bad along with the cell phone. Santana dropped her wallet and pushed away the box of bags. She climbed up on the ledge, and slid the bags inside the waist of her pants. She took a deep breath looked down at the dark, cold water rushing below her. Santana allowed a few tears slide down her cheeks. She thought of how much this would hurt her family, her friend. Inside though, she believed that they would be happier without her there, Rachel and Kurt we perfectly happy before she came along, Quinn found a new guy, Brittany told her to leave, and everyone in Lima seemed to be pretty good. Mercedes and Mike don't even talk to her, and her parents are living it up in Italy. They would and are fine without her to bring them down. Santana took a deep breath and jumped. It felt as if her heart flew up to her throat and her stomach plummeted the opposite way. Her throat tightened and her teeth clenched along with her eyes.

Santana saw her life pass through her mind.

Meeting Quinn and Brittany.

Her bitchiness to everyone.

When she got onto the cheer squad.

Her first kiss.

Her first time.

Her first kiss with Brittany.

Her first time with Brittany.

Hating Artie for dating Brittany.

Hating Quinn.

Being with Finn that one night.

Trying to make Brittany jealous.

Confessing her love.

Brittany turning her down.

Singing her first love song to Brittany.

Her getting kicked out of Glee.

Being outed.

Admitting she was gay.

Finally being with Brittany.

Her singing her first love song to Brittany in front of the Glee club.

Valentines day.

Graduating without Brittany.

Brittany being angry with her about leaving.

Breaking up.

Coming back to Brittany dating Sam.

Getting told to leave.

Being turned down again.

Sleeping with Quinn.

Yelling at Rachel.

Saying goodbye to her mother.

"Goodbye… Britt," Santana whispered before her body landed harshly into the river. A cracking sound being made; Santana closed her eyes, letting the physical pain slip away as darkness succumbed her mind. Her last thought before the black reached:

_I love you._

**And that's not the end. This isn't going to be a terribly long story, but the idea popped into my head so I had to, please review.**


	2. Found

**With Rachel and company 33 hours missing**

"Dammit where is she?" Rachel murmured, everyone has been silent during the whole search walking awkwardly. The tension between Quinn and Brittany consumed the area they walked, Sam stayed behind them wondering why Brittany was so made, while Rachel really is the only one actually looking. Letting out a frustrated sigh she turned and faced them, all of them stopped in their tracks and looked at her.

"Look, I get you guys are angry and confused right now, but you have to let it go," Rachel said to them.

"Why should I Quinn is supposed to be my friend, Santana was supposed to be my best friend and they sleep together? It's just not okay," Brittany said angrily.

"I don't see why it's not right, you were broken up and you're dating Sam so you reason isn't a good one," Quinn snapped.

"Okay enough now, Santana I out here somewhere in this big city, hurt and cold, or scared or dead… yeah that's right DEAD, and all you can think of is this stupid mistake she made instead of looking for your friend and your best friend," Rachel growled out.

"But-"

"No buts Brittany. What's the last thing you three said to Santana… hmmm?" Rachel asked them.

"I said that Brittany is with me now… and that she should just let it go," Sam said smiling at his victory over getting Brittany.

"I don't know… I yelled at her for letting me sleep with her," Quinn said looking away ashamed.

"And I…. I t-told her to leave and that I chose Sam over her. I told her to move here," Brittany said looking down, a tear running down her face.

"And now think, those are the last words Santana has to hold on to, if she's dead those are the last words she'll remember her friends saying to her," Rachel said and watched them all, Sam looked across the street with slight guilt melting through him, Quinn brought her had up to her mouth while tears streamed down her face at the realization. Brittany squeezed her eyes together tightly not wanting it to be true. she didn't want Santana to die thinking that she loved Sam more than her. Santana was Brittany's love, the love of her life and told her those things because she wanted what was best from Santana. And now here they are, Santana missing in New York because Brittany lied and told her to come here.

"Good, now maybe you'll actually start looking for her I for one want to apologize for what I said," Rachel said and turned back around and started to walk again. They all nodded to themselves and started looking hard for their friend.

**40 hours missing**

After hours of looking the group was sat at a bench rubbing their sore feet and trying to keep themselves awake.

"Where could have she gone?" Quinn sighed and leaned back.

"I don't know, we checked all of her usual hangout areas and she wasn't there," Rachel replied leaning her head on Quinns shoulder.

"I think it's time to… give up you guys, she obviously doesn't want to be found," Sam said.

"No, we are going to keep looking till out feet fall off," Brittany said stubbornly, she was standing and pacing, still pumped with energy and determination to find her love.

"Britt, I know you care about her, but at some point we have to let go," Sam said.

"I'll never let go of Santana, she never gave up on me why should I?" Brittany said. They jumped when Rachel's phone rang. Rachel picked it up and looked at the number, her brows furrowed in confusion and she answered.

"Hello?" Rachel asked.

"Hello, are you Ms. Rachel Berry?" a male voice said on the other line.

"Yes, I am may I ask who you are?" Rachel replied.

"I'm Officer Nelson of the NYPD, earlier this morning a woman named Santana Lopez was found,"

"Oh my God you found her, thank God, where is she?" Rachel exclaimed, Quinn's, Brittany's and Sam's head shot up and looked at Rachel with smiles growing on their faces.

"Well Ms. Berry, we found her floating in a river, we pulled her out and performed emergency CPR,"

"IS she okay? Please tell me she's okay," Rachel pleaded tears running down her eyes.

"We did get to her in time, she is now in the hospital being treated for hypothermia and ammonia," Officer Nelson replied. Rachel released a shaky relieved breath.

"Which hospital?" Rachel asked, Quinn's and Brittany's eyes widened and they got closer to Rachel.

"Bellevue Hospital Center, in the ICU," He answered.

"Thank you, I'll be there shortly," Rachel hung up the phone and took a deep breath.

"Hospital?" Quinn questioned grabbing Rachels arm.

"She… they found her in a river, she is in the hospital being treated for hypothermia and ammonia," Rachel said.

"She's alive… she's alive," Brittany repeated to herself as relief set in her body. She suddenly felt the exhaustion of the day hit her; she sat on the bench and stared at the ground.

"Yeah, she is, come on let's call the others and head over there," Rachel said standing.

**Hospital 0 hours missing**

"Um I'm Rachel Berry, Officer Nelson told me that my friend was here," Rachel said to the desk clerk, the whole group was behind her. The woman looked up and her eyes went wide as she saw the mass of people.

"Of course, um name?" she asked.

"Santana Lopez," Rachel replied.

"Ah yes, just take a seat over there and I'll grab the officer and the doctor," she said standing up. Rachel nodded gratefully and went to sit with the rest. After a few minutes waiting the officer and doctor came up.

"Rachel Berry?" Officer Nelson asked the group of people, Rachel stood up and walked over to him.

"Hello, Ms. Berry I'm Dr. Woods, I'm taking care of Ms. Lopez while she's here," Dr. Woods said introducing himself.

"Hello," Rachel said taking his hand.

"You are Ms. Lopez's emergency contact correct?" Woods asked looking at her.

"Yes, we made this decision when she moved here just in case anything like this happened," Rachel answered.

"Has something like this happen before?" Nelson asked taking out a note pad and pen.

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked confused.

"Has Ms. Lopez ever tried committing suicide before?" Nelson elaborated. A collection of gasps came from the group and Rachel.

"NO! Never Santana was never one to resort to such a thing," Rachel said.

"Well, it seems things changed," Nelson said.

"You mean she… she put herself into the water?" Rachel asked.

"Witnesses say that they saw a girl putting something into a sandwich bag and jumping from a bridge, that happened to be over the river that she was found," Nelson said.

"I.. can't believe that…" Rachel said looking back at the group who had the same shocked expression.

"Can you possibly tell us why she would want to take her own life?" Nelson asked. Rachel sighed.. she was worried that Santana might have tried but she never thought that Santana would actually go through with it.

"Um, she been really depressed for the past month that I've seen. We had an argument and she just broke down say that she's been so depressed since she went to college and since she broke up with her girlfriend and just ran out of our apartment saying she was done with everything," Rachel said. Nelson nodded writing down the information.

"So when did Ms. Lopez head to college?" he asked.

"Um, end of July," Rachel said.

"And when did she break up with her girlfriend?" he asked. Rachel was stumped, she knew it was around the same time she broke up with Finn, but she wasn't sure.

"A couple weeks before Thanksgiving," Rachel answered.

"Were you and Ms. Lopez in a relationship?" Nelson asked, Rachel's eyes went wide.

"OH no we're just friends, I'm straight," Rachel replied.

"Sorry, I'm just trying to get as much as information as possible, did she have any relations with anyone else that you know of?" he asked. Rachel looked over at Quinn. Quinn sighed and stood up.

"Yeah me," Quinn said, Nelson looked at her and nodded.

"Your name miss?"

"Quinn Fabray," she replied.

"Alright by chance is the ex-girlfriend in here?" he asked. Brittany stood and walked over.

"I am," Brittany answered.

"And your name?"

"Brittany Peirce," she replied.

"Alright Ms. Fabray did you and Santana have a close relationship?"

"Um, we're best friends since freshman year of high school, but not a romantic relationship. We got really drunk on Valentine's Day and we hooked up," she said.

"Alright, I'm sorry if I'm intruding but are you also gay?" he asked.

"No, I was drunk and she got me into bed, I yelled at her the next morning for it," Quinn sighed embarrassed.

"So you two had a falling out then?" Nelson asked.

"Yeah, we didn't talk after that," Quinn answered.

"Thank you, now Ms. Peirce how long did you date?"

"Um summer after junior year to a few weeks before last Thanksgiving," Brittany replied.

"That is a long time, did she show any sign of depression while you were with her? Lack of eating, social contact, mood swings?" Woods asked cutting into the conversation.

"No," Brittany said.

"Why?" Rachel asked.

"Well, from what we've seen Ms. Lopez has had a long history of depression," Woods replied.

"After your break up were there any words exchanged?" Nelson, bringing back the attention to him.

"Uh, she said she loved me the most and then left, I didn't see her till out production of Grease at school," Brittany said.

"What about there? Anyone say anything to her?"

"No," Brittany said.

"Can you think of anything that could have pushed Santana to trying to commit suicide?" Nelson said trying to get to the point.

"Me choosing Sam over her?" Brittany said in a question looking to Rachel.

"I would agree, but I think her breaking up with Brittany is when everything really started, at least that's what she told me, the events after that added up I guess," Rachel said.

"And what event might that be?" Nelson asked.

"Um, Brittany telling her to move to New York and choosing Sam, dropping out of college, tricking Quinn into sleeping with her, and my pushing her to get a job," Rachel elaborated.

"Right thank you, for your time," Nelson said closing his notepad.

"Um, how you so sure that she tried to commit suicide? Other than the witnesses," Quinn asked.

"We found her suicide not typed up on her very damaged phone," he responded before leaving.

"Well, now that's done I'm sure you would like to hear the condition Ms. Lopez is in," Woods said to Rachel, she nodded and brought her full attention to him. "Well, she is suffering from hypothermia, but that should go away quite easily after a while, what I'm concerned about is her ammonia. She had quite a bit of cold water enterher body, and the lack of oxygen is also a worry. She could suffer from memory loss, shot term or long term we can't be too positive, but after the intake of water and the state of the water at that, could leave her lungs permanently damaged. She fell into the water from around sixty feet, and in turn hitting the water broke a few ribs from how she landed. We have put her into a coma to increase healing process of the ammonia and hypothermia. Hopefully keeping her asleep will also help the brain recover. We have put her on a life support ventilator to increase oxygen flow and we are not positive if her lungs would be able to work on their own at the moment anyways. When she jumped I'm sure she didn't really want to die, due to the fact that she actually fought off long enough and that it was a miracle that she was brought back, we'll keep you posted, and no more than three visitors at a time please," he said.

"Thank you," Rachel said absently taking in what he told her. He nodded and walked away.

"This is my fault," Brittany murmured.

"What?" Quinn asked shocked.

"If I would have just done what my heart told me and accepted her love again instead of telling her to go and moved to New York she would have never had come here and she would have never felt the way she did," Brittany explained.

"No Brittany, this isn't your fault, if anything it's mine, if I didn't push her so much she would have never ran out," Rachel said.

"Okay enough," Ms. Pillsbury said, everyone looked at her.

"This is no one's fault, you heard the doctor, she's had a case of depression for a long while, so no matter what anyone did it would not have changed anything and sooner or later the way she felt would have gotten to her without counseling, so stop the blame game," Ms. Pillsbury said. Everyone nodded and sat silently.

"Can we go see her?" Brittany asked.

"Yeah come on, you me and Rachel," Quinn said standing up, she grabbed Brittany and Rachels hand. They walked silently till they reached Santana door. Quinn took a deep breath and turned the handle.


	3. Awake

**Your guys' reviews are making extremely happy you have no idea :DDDDDDD anyway here ya go.**

They stepped into the room. They could hear the constant soft beep of the heart monitor and the air pushing through a ventilator. Quinn grabbed the curtain that was shielding Santana looked to Rachel and Brittany. Brittany was biting her lip and Rachel was fidgeting with her hands. They both looked at Quinn and nodded; Quinn took a deep breath and pulled the curtains. The three of them gasped at Santana's condition. Santana had a tube in her mouth and taped, a bandage was wrapped around her torso and heating packets were surrounding her. Santana was pale, way to pale for a Hispanic person; her chest was being forced up by the ventilator. Her eyes were closed and if she didn't have anything hooked up to her, it would look like she was sleeping peacefully.

Tears streamed down their eyes as they slowly walked towards the girl, their best friend.

"San," Brittany breathed; she walked around the bed and took a seat. Gently Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and held it, Brittany flinched at the coldness of her hand but continue to held it anyway. Quinn put her hand on Brittany's shoulder.

"She's alive," Quinn said, trying to comfort Brittany.

"Barely," Brittany quipped, but she felt bad for it, she looked up to Quinn who had unshed tears in her eyes, "I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"I know, but the point is she is alive, even if it's just barely she is," Quinn said wiping a few escaped tears.

"She looks so small," Rachel whispered moving some of Santana's hair out of her eyes, "Smaller than me, if that's even possible," Rachel said chuckling a little.

"Yeah, it's strange seeing Santana so vulnerable," Quinn said, Rachel and he shared a smile.

"Well we'll send some others I, you can stay here, that cool?" Rachel asked Brittany. Brittany kept her eyes locked on Santana's face and just nodded. Rachel and Quinn walked out of the room.

"I'm so sorry Santana, I wish would have told you the truth, I wish I told you not to leave me alone in Lima. I wish I would have told you how happy it made me that you came back to fight for me, and I wish I told you that I wanted to be with you again like you wanted and just be together. I'm so sorry that I chose Sam, and that I didn't tell you how much I loved you and still love you. When you wake up, I am so yours, proudly so… if you'll have me," Brittany whispered.

**With the others**

Rachel and Quinn walked back into the waiting room, everyone stood up at their presence.

"Where's Brittany?" Sam asked.

"She's staying with Santana, so two at a time for whoever wants to see her," Rachel said sitting down letting out a deep breath.

"How bad is it?" Kurt asked.

"She definitely doesn't look like Santana, everything is the same except for how weak she looks… it's just horrible," Quinn said tears now coming down her face. All the events hit her hard and sobs racked through her body. Rachel grabbed her and pulled her down into a chair and held her. The realization that Quinn almost lost her best friend finally reached her brain, everything that happened with Santana in the past didn't seem so big anymore.

"I guess I'll go then," Kurt said preparing himself for what he was about to see.

"I'll go with you," Blaine said, Kurt smiled at him thankful. Together they walked to the room.

"Has anyone called Santana's parents and let them know what happened?" Mercedes asked, everyone was silent.

"I'll do it," Quinn said sniffling and wiping her tears away.

"Are you sure?" Tina asked, Quinn nodded and grabbed her phone, she looked through her contacts and found the number. Quinn clicked it and took a deep breath before pressing call. Quinn brought er phone up to her ear and waited. After a few rings the phone was answered.

"Hello?" Mrs. Lopez answered.

"Hi, Mrs. Lopez? This is Quinn, Quinn Fabray," Quinn said.

"Oh Quinn! It's in been a while since I've spoken with you, how is everything?" Mrs. Lopez asked.

"Um not great actually," Quinn sighed.

"Is it Santana?" Mrs. Lopez's voice filled with concern.

"Um why…"

"She called last night and she sounded so… sad. She asked if she could come home for a few days, but we're in Italy because her father just got a promotion. But I told her she could visit next month and asked if I would see her then. All she said was goodbye and hung up on me, is she okay?" Mrs. Lopez asked.

"Well, Mrs. Lopez, Santana had a… accident and she's in the hospital," Quinn said.

"WHAT? Is she okay?" Mrs. Lopez screeched.

"She's going to be fine, the doctors put her into a medical induced coma and she's recovering, we're at the Bellevue Hospital Center in New York, New York" Quinn rushed to calm the womans nerves.

"Good, we'll be there soon then," Mrs. Lopez said and hung up. Quinn swallowed and locked her phone.

"Well," Rachel asked.

"She and Mr. Lopez are on their way," Quinn said. Everyone looked around and waited for the Lopez family.

**2:00 a.m waiting room**

Brittany was finally forced out of the room since visiting hours were over. Everyone was silent when she entered. She sat down next to Quinn and looked around at all the solem faces.

"Remember that time Quinn when Santana, me and you went to the beach for vacation and those guys were hitting on you and me when she was getting drinks and came back and poured the drinks on their heads and yelled them in Spanish before she told them to go away?' Brittany said smiling. Quinn laughed lightly.

"Yeah, she was so pissed that she had to buy more drinks afterward," Quinn and Brittany busted out laughing.

"Or that time Santana yelled at Rachel and Finn in Spanish after we lost nationals," Brittany giggled.

"I remember the time Santana stood up to Karofskey for me and Blaine when he was threatening us," Kurt smiled.

"Yeah, talking about the razor blades in her hair," Blaine laughed.

"I remember some jock coming up to her in the hall asking her to have sex with him and then next thig he knew he was on the floor dazed," Puck laughed.

"I remember when Santana and Quinn talked me out of doing that nude scene that would have ruined my life," Rachel said, everyone laughed at that.

"Santana helped me realize my mistake of being a Spanish teacher," Mr. Schue said.

"Santana was always my best well rounded Cheerio that I have ever had," Sue said smiling.

"Remember that fight she got in with Lauren?" Puck asked.

"Yeah, she stayed in the nurse's office to get rid of the head ache for a bit," Quinn giggled.

"Yeah and her body was covered in bruises, I don't find that a very good memory," Brittany pouted.

"Sure it is, it shows how Santana takes up any challenge that's thrown at her, even if she knows she won't win," Mike said.

"Yeah that determination is probably what saved her," Tina said.

"Aha! Found it!" Wade cheered looking at his phone.

"Found what?" Marley asked looking over his shoulder.

"Videos of Santana, that that one kid posted… um J…. J something…" Wade thought.

"Jew Fro? At least he was good for something other than creeping on Rachel," Puck said. Everyone surrounded Wade and watched.

"_So Santana, you would say that you're soul mates so to speak?" …. _

"_Yeah, I would say that would be accurate,"_

"_Well sometimes I go out by myself, as I look across the water!"_

"_This is Jacob at sectionals and right now is out own schools New Directions, and Santana Lopez up there killing it. It seems like they changed up their ways and are having people other than Rachel and Finn singing."_

They continued to watch multiple interviews that held Santana, smiling or insulting. And watched the performances. They didn't understand how Jacob got some of his videos but they didn't care. It helped them remember how Santana used to be, bitchy, smart and happy. After the collage ended everyone had tears in their eyes.

"That was creepy and strangely sweet all at the same time," Artie commented.

"Quinn?" Quinn's head looked up and saw Mr. and Mrs. Lopez standing there.

"Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, you got here fast," Quinn said getting up and hugging them.

"Yes well, our daughter is in the hospital, how did this happen?" Mr. Lopez said.

"Um you should sit down," Quinn said, they looked at her skeptically and sat down.

"What is this about?" Mrs. Lopez asked.

"Well um, you see, what happened to Santana wasn't exactly an accident," Quinn started.

"What do you mean not an accident? Did someone do this on purpose?" Mr. Lopez raged.

"No, you see Mr. Lopez your Santana she, was feeling depressed and…"

"Tried killing herself, Anthony I told you we shouldn't have pulled her out of therapy," Mrs. Lopez said, Anthony sighed.

"I know Maribel, but she didn't want to go anymore, she said she was fine and the last thing I wanted to do was force her to go to something she does not wish to go to," Anthony said.

"Wait, she was in therapy?" Brittany asked.

"Yes, you see when she was in middle school she had a little sister, Rosie and they were really close. Well we left for date and left her in charge. Someone broke into the house and they were there alone, and Rosie was killed. Santana has blamed herself for not protecting her this whole time and… tried to kill herself. Luckily we found her beforehand and we put her in family therapy and she had her own therapy," Maribel explained. Everyone was shocked to hear such a horrible thing that happened in Santana's past.

"We've told her multiple times that it wasn't her fault but she wouldn't stop blaming herself. Whenshe got in high school she said she didn't need it anymore and was happy. She had just gotten on the cheer squad and made some friends, which were you and Brittany, so I canceled the meetings, we never knew she was feeling this way again," Anthony said.

"Wow," Rachel exhaled.

"During senior year we thought everything was finally coming into place because that was the first time we really saw her happy, especially when we said that we were okay with her being gay," Maribel said.

"I hadn't seen her eyes light up like that since we brought Rosie home from the hospital," Anthony smiled at the memory. Brittany smiled also.

"Anthony?" everyone's eyes looked up at the voice.

"Mother," Anthony said shocked.

"How is she?" Alma walked over to them.

"What are you doing here?" Maribel asked defensively.

"I'm here because I heard on the news that my granddaughter was found in a river dead and was moved here," Alma snapped.

"Well she's fine, what are you doing here?" Maribel snapped back.

"I'm visiting a friend here, I was in her house when the news came on talking about her," Alma said.

"Why would care about Santana? You kicked her out of your life," Maribel said.

"I care because she is my granddaughter and the reason of why I kicked her out is not a concern of mine anymore," Alma said calmly.

"So you accept her?" Brittany asked smiling.

"No, not her life choice and I would appreciate you not speaking to me either," Alma said coldly to Brittany. Brittany's smiled felt and shifted her eyes away.

"Mother, do not speak that way to Brittany, you can't be here be act that way," Anthony said.

"She poisoned Santana mind, Santana was not like this before Brittany came along," Alma argued.

"Brittany did nothing but make Santana happier ever since Rosie," Anthony argued back.

"It is true, her eyes lit up like they did whenever she and Rosie were together," Maribel confirmed.

"Please, therapy was working just fine for the child," Alma said.

"Yes and that's why she would kick and scream and plead to us not to have to go," Anthony said rolling his eyes.

"You gave in to her temper tantrums, you have to put your foot down with that child," Alma said.

"Excuse me, but that child is now in the ICU fighting for her life and all you can do is complain about her lifestyle and fight over what made her happy," Tina said angrily.

"And who might you be that makes you think you can invade a family discussion?" Alma said.

"I'm one of her friends who will not sit here and bad mouth her," Tina replied.

"Look mother you can stay, but not another bad word against any of the children here, understood. And when Santana wakes up there will be nothing but a smile and kind words to her," Anthony said. Alma huffed and nodded sitting away from the group.

"Ms. Berry," Woods said walking in, "ah might you be the parents of Ms. Lopez?" he asked when he spotted the other Latina people.

"Yes," they replied standing along with Rachel.

"Well, I thought you would like to know that she is awake, which is quite surprising to say the least, and she's asking for someone,' he smiled.

"Who?" Quinn asked.

"Ms. Peirce."


	4. Happiness

Brittany slowly opened the door, but hesitated, wondering if Santana was angry at her for everything.

"Britt?" Brittany heard the soft, rough voice of Santana coming from behind the curtain. Brittany's heart filled with love and relief when she heard the voice, a small smile came to her face and she made her way around the curtain. When she was past the curtain her eye's immediately met Santana's, Brittany noted that Santana was getting color back into skin and that she had a few less tubes stuck in her body, including the ventilator. Santana gave a guilty slight smile to Brittany and Brittany smiled right back. Soon Brittany's eyes were releasing another waterfall of tears as she rushed over to her and pulled Santana's head to her chest, squeezing tightly, and sobs racked through her body.

"Oh my god Santana, you scared me soo bad, don't ever do that again, whatever made you think that your life isn't worth anything isn't true. I'd die of you died, please, please never ever do that again, please I love you too much to lose you," Brittany cried. Santana felt a large shot of guilt shoot through her heart.

"Brittany," Santana whispered, Brittany pulled back and looked into Santana's eyes which had tears in them, "I'm sorry," Santana said. Brittany shook her head.

"No, I am if I… if I would have told you the truth of my feelings in the first place then none of this would have ever happened," Brittany cried, she fell into the seat beside the bed and grabbed Santana's hand crying into it. Santana brought her free hand up and stroked Brittany's head, tears slipping down her face.

"I heard," Santana said, Brittany looked up confused, "when I was in a coma, I heard everything that was happening around me, everyone's words… your words to me," Santana explained. Brittany's eyes widened, "and I want you to understand this, none of what was going on with me had anything to do, yes stuff that happened between us may have affected it, but it wasn't the cause of my complete break down," Santana said firmly.

"But, if..."

"No, it would have happened, whether if I was in Lima being with you or what happened. I've been depressed for a long time Brittany, and in a way I still am, I would have broken at some point, just these events for the past few years have accelerated the process. My old therapist… she said it would happen if I quit, but I didn't care, I just wanted to be normal and not have to go. I understand that it was mistake to drop therapy. So it's not your fault, it's completely mine okay?" Santana said looking straight into Brittany's eyes, Brittany nodded and looked away. After a few minutes she spoke up and asked the question that been eating her on the inside.

"Why did you do it?" Brittany whispered barely audible, Santana looked up and stared at the wall, trying to gather her thoughts, "you don't have to tell me if you don't feel comfortable," Santana smiled and shook her head.

"I always feel comfortable with you Britt, I was trying to see where to start," Santana replied, and smiled at Brittany. Santana looked into her favorite blue eyes before looking back at the wall.

"I did it because… I figured no one would really miss me I guess. That all I do is just ruin peoples life's and that I was always in second place," Santana explained, "I mean, my mom and dad were living it up in Italy, having a great time without me, you were with Sam and didn't need me. Everyone in Lima seemed doing fine without me and my Abuela was doing fine without me also. Rachel and Kurt were living it up until I came around, and when you chose Sam, and when my mom told me about my dad's promotion and Rachel telling me that I had to start providing for myself because they couldn't keep supporting me I realized that I wasn't needed and I was just a burden. I should have never gone back to Lima because I was jealous and put you in the position of choosing me, it was selfish of me and it put a lot of pressure on you. I should never have invited myself into Rachel and Kurt's home and making them take care of me. All my life all I have done is ruin peoples life's, first my own and my families by not protecting my… my little sister from those bastards who broke in. Then I continuously ruined peoples life's in high school, making feel bad about themselves, shoving them, insulting them, throwing slushies in their faces and ruining their relationships for my own gain. I always felt like a second choice, Puck went with Quinn while dating me, Finn had sex with me to make Rachel feel jealous, Sue would go to me if Quinn wasn't available, you didn't want to hurt Artie's feelings and chose him over me, I was Wade's understudy for Rizzo, and then you chose Sam over me, and I just felt like I didn't matter," Santana said, tears in her eyes.

"San, none of that is true, you were never second choice to me, I just couldn't bring myself to hurt their feelings without cause," Brittany said, trying to justify herself. Santana felt slight anger flare in body.

"But that's the thing Brittany, I thought I was cause, I thought the love I felt for you and the love you felt for me, our love was cause enough to do anything, and it's impossible to not hurt someone in that kind of situation, you hurt one or the other, and in this case you hurt the one you're in love with and how loves you back and the one you don't want to hurt," Santana said frustrated. Brittany looked down and thought about it, Santana had a point, she had hurt Santana in both of those instances, the one she loved more than anyone else in the entire world because she didn't want to hurt her friend's feeling.

"You're right, our love should be enough for everything it's just, I didn't understand that back then and I'm sorry for hurting you," Brittany said, Santana looked at her and saw regret in Brittany's face, Santana closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

"Look, Brittany, you rejecting me isn't what pisses me off; it's you trying to make everyone else happy and not yourself. You didn't want to break up with Artie because it would make him sad, you didn't think about what made you sad or happy about the situation. All I want right now is for you to be honest with yourself and decide things on your happiness, not mine, not Sams, not Artie's, not even your parents, just yours," Santana said. Brittany nodded and looked shyly up to Santana.

"Well, I want to do something that will make me extremely happy," Brittany murmured, Santana chuckled at the sight.

"And what's that?" Santana asked, Brittany instead of answering with words and took Santana's face into her hand before kissing her softly on her lips. Santana felt her heart skip and she smiled pushing into the kiss. They stayed like that before Santana felt a burning feeling in her throat; quickly she pulled back and started coughing thickly. Brittany looked on worriedly, after the coughing fit Santana laid back trying to take breaths. Each inhale she winced at the feeling of the air rushing against her raw throat.

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked, Santana looked at her and smiled, nodding.

"Yeah ehem, maybe I should have chosen a warmer river to jump into," Santana joked, trying to make light of the situation, only to receive a disappointed look from Brittany.

"San, that isn't funny, you almost died," Brittany said her eyes started glistening with tears again.

"No, no Britt please don't cry again, I know it isn't funny I was just… trying to get the mood back to kissing,' Santana said. Brittany shook her head smiling.

"Well it made me really happy," Brittany said, Santana smiled.

"Yeah, I'm glad and it's only a consolation that it made me really happy too… but what about Sam?" Santana asked frowning.

"I don't care right now… Sam is a great friend and he does make me happy, but the friend kind of happy not the love kind of happy like you,' Brittany said, Santana's eyes brightened, but then her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Then why exactly did you choose Sam over me when I came back?" Santana asked.

"Because I wanted you to live your dreams, I didn't want you stuck in Lima possible missing your chance of living your dream while waiting for me to graduate, it wouldn't be fair to you, so… I lied and said I wanted to stay with Sam," Brittany explained, Santana sighed and looked at her again.

"There you go again, thinking of someone else rather than yourself. Look Brittany I have many dreams, some small and could be done within a week others may take a lifetime, but one thing they all have in common is you. All my dreams include you in them and I can't live through any of my dreams without you," Santana said. Brittany smiled and leaned forward again. Brittany hesitated before her lips reached Santana's. Santana getting impatient grabbed the back of Brittany's neck and pulled her the rest of the way. The kiss started off sweet like the last one, just the contact of the lips, but their need for each other, after being denied so long, made the kiss grow. Slowly they started moving their lips against each other's and the kiss grew more heated. They pushed further into one another, Brittany's tongue slid across Santana's bottom lip, making the brunette whimper and open her mouth. When their tongues met after months of no contact, made them moan. Their tongues dance gracefully together, sliding and twirling. Brittany pulled reluctantly back with a gasp and looked into Santana's darkened eyes, they panted into one anothers mouths and their foreheads rested against one anothers. The nest thing they heard was someone clearing their throat, they looked toward the door to see Quinn with a smile on her face, Rachel with the same smile, Kurt jumping and clapping, and Sam with a hurt look. Brittany's heart dropped when he turned and walked out, she pulled away and was about to go after him when she felt a hand grab her wrist. Brittany looked down to Santana who had a pleading look in her eyes.

"Please, do what makes you happy, don't worry about his or my feelings only yours," Santana said, Brittany stared at her for a few seconds before nodding. Santana let her hand loose and Brittany started walking away, feeling Santana's still cold hand slowly slide from her arm and Brittany couldn't help the feeling of her heart breaking as she walked away.


	5. Defeat

"Sam please wai," Brittany called to him, he stopped and turned, his face was contorted with hurt and anger.

"Why?" Sam asked an edge to his voice that made Brittany flinch.

"Because you didn't let me explain," Brittany sighed.

"What's there to explain? You were kissing Santana, you're ex-girlfriend while you are still dating me, I don't see much of an explation needed for this," Sam said angrily.

"She almost died Sam, she was my first love and… I still… I'm still very much and deeply in love with her, you have no idea. She tried killing herself because she believed we'd all be better without her and that's a stupid lie, I love her with everything I have and if she were to die I don't think I could survive. I love you also, but as a friends and I will always be thankful for you being there for me when I needed help, but Santana didn't have someone like you after we broke up, she was all alone and delt with it on her own. It wasn't fair for her to be hurting like she did. I'm sorry of this hurts you, but I can't be happy unless I'm with Santana. I hope you understand," Brittany explained. Sam stood there for a few moments before replying.

"Yeah, I get that. I had a feeling that I was a sort of step in. You guys really are inseparable and… you guys make a really good match. I saw… I knew how much Santana was still in love with you whne she came back during Diva week. A best friends wouldn't come all the way because her best friend is dating someone else. She came because the love of her life was with someone else, and no one can sing a song like she did without being in love. I understand, I'm not happy about it but, I've moved on before I'm sure I can again. You should get back to her, I'm sure she's worried about what happened," Sam said Brittany smiled at him and gave him a tight hug. When she pulled back she gave him a small kiss on the cheek and whispered a 'thank you' before heading back to the room.

When she entered she saw that Santana had fallen back asleep and Quinn and Rachel were sitting on the couch talking quietly. They looked up and smiled at her before gesturing her over to the couch. Brittany walked over to them and sat down between them.

"Is everything okay?" Quinn asked.

"Yeah," Brittany went on telling the girls about what happened, in the middle of the explanation Santana woke up and listened in.

"I told Sam that I loved him and that he made me happy and everything," Brittany continued without being aware of Santana being away. They all heard Santana's heart monitor pick up speed. Santana felt her throat constrict and her hear tighten with disbelief and tears started rolling down her cheeks.

_If Brittany still loves Sam, that means she's happier with him and not me. That means there's no reason for me to be here right? If she's happier with him I'm only getting in the way with my feelings. _

"San? You okay?' Brittany asked while the three girls walked up to her bed side and niticed tears streaming down her face.

"Santana?" Quinn asked putting a hand on her shoulder. Santana let out a rough wet sob, and gasped for air while she cried violently. But her lungs were still very badly damaged, making ti harder to breath until she started coughing. Santana bolted upright, her coughing getting more violent and wet.

"San! Santana calm down, please!" Brittany pleaded. Santana forced her eyes open and looked at Brittany with sad filled eyes.

"Nurse!" Rachel called out, a nurse and Santana's parents and abuela came rushing in.

"What happened?" the nurse asked checking Santana's vitals.

"I- we don't know, her heart picked up and then she started crying then coughing, is she going to be okay?" Quinn rushed.

"Santana, you need to calm down okay, calm down otherwise it will be very difficult for you to breathe," the nurse stressed. Santana heard, but didn't care, she continued coughing. Her throat was getting raw and painful, and her chest burned along with her lungs and abs that work constricting heavily. Soon she was coughing up blood.

"What's happening in here?" Dr. Woods asked rushing in.

"Sir she wont calm down," the nurse stressed.

"Santana, I need you to calm down, you're damaging your lungs and throat with this coughing," Dr. Woods said putting his hand on her back.

"Santana please!" Maribel called out.

"San, please calm down, don't make me lose you again," Brittany cried, Santana looked ta her again. Santana couldn't bear to put Brittany through that again… no matter how depressed she got. Santana tried to breathe and inhaled. Suddenly she started choking, on her blood no doubt,, she fell back against the bed with a thump. All the coughing made her body feel weak, she just wanted to give up all the ache.

"Dammit, she's asphyxiating on her blood, get me a tube to clear out her throat!" Dr. Woods called to the nurse, she nodded and ran out, "Santana I need you to keep trying to breathe, keep fighting alright," Dr. Woods told her. She looked at him with eyes that admitted their defeat. "HURRY!" he called.

_Why does everything have to so fucking difficult? Why? Living, and Loving should be easy but no… it hurts like hell. I'm so tired… but I can't leave Brittany, not again, but I don't think I have the strength anymore._

"San please don't die! I love you too much to see you go away again!" Brittany cried grabbing Santana's hand.

_She… Loves me…_

"She's going into cardiac arrest! Get me a D-Fib!"

_Love_

"Please everyone back away!"

_Me?_

"Brittany you have to back off!"

_Brittany…_

"Two-hundred! Ready?... Clear!"

_Brittany._

"Dammit! Again come on we can't lose her!"

_Brittany_

"San! Please no!"

_Brittany._

"We're Losing her!"

_Brittany loves me._

"SANTANA!"

_BRITTANY!_


	6. Truths

**Okay… read some of the comments or reviews on this story. I get that my grammar isn't fan-fucking-tastic but to me, fanfiction is about the story and the ideas. I've read some terribly written stories that have wrong spelling or used the wrong words, but I read them anyway because I got what they were saying and liked the story. So sorry if my grammar bugs you but how about you just pay attention to the story? It isn't an essay for English or a story for creative writing, it's an idea that popped into my head that I wanted people to read, so now I will continue and finish this because I don't leave something half done.**

Santana almost died… again. Brittany was shaking terribly when Dr. Woods and the nurses were able to bring her back and clear her throat, but they were all still wondering what caused Santana to have an attack like that.

"Britt? Are you okay?" Quinn asked her gently. Brittany just stared at Santana and continued to hold her hand. Quinn stayed there for a while with her hand on Brittany's shoulder and looking between the two girls before she left with a sigh. When she walked out she was met with Rachel and Santana's parents and Abuela.

"How is she?" Rachel asked.

"She… is shaken up as we all are, it must have been terrifying for her to see Santana that way," Quinn replied sitting in one of the waiting chairs.

"It was for all of us, what made Santana start crying like that?" Rachel asked no one in particular.

"Well we were talking about Brittany breaking up with Sam; you think it could have been happy crying?" Quinn contemplated.

"No, it was sad crying," Brittany said surprising everyone, "she looked so sad when she was crying," Brittany mumbled.

"Maybe she misinterpreted what we were saying," Rachel offered.

"No, we weren't able to finish the story, Santana must have only heard Brittany say that she loved Sam," Quinn answered, sure of her decision.

"That would make sense," Rachel agreed nodding her head.

"I have to tell her that I love her, to make her understand that I chose her and not him," Brittany cried again. Quinn got to her feet and hugged Brittany.

"You will, I'm sure she will believe you," Quinn said reassuringly.

**Few hours later 1:00 A.M. **

"I have some good news," Dr. Woods said smiling when he walked into the room. Everyone looked at him waiting.

"Santana has woken up and is perfectly stable, as long as she stays calm we shouldn't have another scare like that, if you wish to visit you are free, but I'm going to have to ask only two at a time and to try not to stress her out even more than she is," he said everyone nodded and he left when his pager buzzed.

"Brittany I think you should go and explain," Maribel said. Brittany nodded and stood from her chair. Cautiously she approached the door to Santana's room and knocked.

"Yeah?" came a raspy reply. Brittany walked in slowly and looked to Santana when she was in view. Santana watched carefully and felt the pain of what she heard return.

"Hey," Brittany said sitting down next to her once again.

"Hey," Santana mimicked.

"San… what happened?" Brittany asked.

"What happened between you and Sam?" Santana questioned ignoring Brittany's own question.

"I broke up with him, now what happened with you?" Brittany asked again.

"Oh… I um heard you say that you loved him and thought you chose him over me again. Brittany you can't do that to me, not again I can't handle a third time of being your last choice," Santana rasped out. Brittany felt rage inside her body and walked towards Santana's bed with a purpose. She leaned down quickly so she was just a few inches away from Santana's face. Santana flinched back; she could feel the anger pouring out of Brittany.

"You are never my last choice Santana, and I never, ever want to hear you say that again. It isn't and never will be true," Brittany growled. Santana felt her own rage ignite.

"Is that why you blew me off for Artie after I confessed to you? Is that why you said you couldn't hurt him like that? That it wouldn't be fair to him for you to break up with him? You think it was fair to me? Did you even give a thought to how I felt or what I just did back then?" Santana yelled, wincing slightly at the pain it caused her sore throat. Brittany was wide eyed, Santana had never yelled at her before like that.

"San of course I thought of you," Brittany said trying to defend herself.

"Oh really cause it sure didn't fucking seem like it. Or how about when I came home from Louisville to be with you; I went there because it was the only place I knew that I had someone there who wanted me. But no, instead you told me to leave. That you like Sam and you don't want to break up with him. You told me to move on when you know there is no other person on this planet for me. I trusted that you would want me to stay, that you would welcome me with open arms, but you just pushed me away, saying that Sam made you feel smart. Well news flash he isn't the one who from the beginning told you that you are a genius," Santana fumed.

"You broke up with me first Santana. I did as you said and dated someone else; you told me that it was okay to that. You said that you weren't looking to be with me again," Brittany argued back.

"I was lying Brittany, you should know by now when I lie. Of course I wanted to be with you again and you're right I said it would be okay to date other people and that's exactly why I lied. I would look like such a bitch if I just broke up with you and said you could date people only to come back and be angry about you dating other people!" Santana screamed. Quinn ran in at this time and looked between her two fuming friends.

"Whoa guys, Santana you need to calm down," Quinn said stepping in between them.

"Oh please Santana spare me, you broke my heart! You left me when I needed you the most! And you come back and expect me to just take you back again? Or break up with the only person to actually make me smile and laugh?" Brittany yelled.

"Brittany!" Quinn said sternly.

"I did it for you! You yelled at me… you yelled at me for the first time. you were angry with me because I was never there for you. You were angry with me because I left you behind. But you told me to go! You told me to Louisville. I wanted to stay with you, I asked multiple times if you were okay with me leaving and every time, EVERY TIME! You said you were fine with it. You blamed me with something that you said you were okay with," Santana yelled at her.

"Because I didn't want to hold you back! I wanted you to follow your dreams both times I told you to leave," Brittany replied back.

"And did it ever cross your mind that every dream I have includes you in it? Whether it's me staying home taking care of our kids while you're dancing or me being a lawyer with you working someplace small or both of us being superstars. Any one of those I would have been perfectly fine with as long as I had you. Do you realize how much it hurt to have you tell me to leave and move on from you?" Santana cried.

"But you deserved more than just those small lives that you would have being with me, who is repeating her senior year!" Brittany continued.

"Enough both of you!" Quinn screamed, making them go silent, "Santana you need to calm down or you will have another attack, and Brittany do you really want to put Santana through this stress right now?" Quinn said. Santana slumped back and looked out the window with a scowl. Brittany sighed and shook her head no before walking out. Quinn shook her head in disappointment and walked out, closing the door.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You go in there to tell her you love her and I walk in on you two fighting it out on who's at fault. Need I remind you that she tried killing herself because of how guilty she felt for everything that has happened?" Quinn snapped at Brittany. Brittany flinched and dropped her hands to her side and let a breath. She felt heavy guilt over take the anger that she once was feeling.

"I'm sorry," Brittany muttered.

"Sorry would have cut it, what if she had another fit? Brittany and human body can only endure so much. If she has another one of the death moments the doctors might not be able to bring her back," Quinn said a little softer. Brittany's lips quivered and nodded. Quinn let out a sigh and leaned against the wall. "The police retrieved Santana's suicide message on her phone… they said it wasn't too easy since it was damaged, but I wrote it down for you," Quinn said pulling a folded piece of paper out of her pocket and handed to a crying Brittany. Brittany took it and unfolded it, Quinn walked away while Brittany began to read the letter.

_Dear… everyone,_

_ This is completely and utterly stupid I know. But I just can't handle the pain I'm feeling any longer. I've lived with this for almost a year now and I can't live with it anymore. But it won't just go away. So I'm ending it. I know many of you will hate me for this, but it's no different than what I've been through. I used to hurting people… I'm used to disappointing people… and I am most certainly used to having people being pissed at me. Quinn I'm really sorry for taking advantage of you that one night, I regret it and I should have known better and I'm really sorry for it. I hope one day you can forgive me. Rachel and Kurt I'm sorry for just bursting in and messing up your lives… is shouldn't have assumed you would take me in, I was horrible to both of you during high school and didn't deserve the kindness I received from you guys._

_Brittany… I'm so sorry for hurting you. It was never my intention to hurt you and I wish I could take it back. I wish I would have been afraid of coming out so we would have had to go through that horrible time during junior year. I wish that I would have realized your struggle with your school work… but I was too selfish and didn't notice. I'm sorry for leaving you most of all, I should have just followed my gut and stayed there. I know you think that I probably wouldn't have been happy there in Lima for another year, but as long as I'm with you I couldn't have been happier. I regret breaking up with you and bullshitting you about my other attraction that was just made up story so I would have a reason to let you go so you can be happy. I never loved or felt attracted to anyone but you I swear. _

_I can't live with this guilt or this feeling of being lonely. _

_I'm sorry that I'm being selfish again._

_I love you all…_

_And I love you MOST Brittany._

_Santana Maria Lopez._

Tears were streaming down Brittany eyes. She crumpled the paper and ran back to Santana's door. Santana jolted awake from her nap at the door being roughly opened. She snapped her head to Brittany and had a confused look on her face. Brittany walked quickly for the bed, leaned down and crashed her lips to Santana's. Santana gasped at the sudden action and was stunned momentarily before moving her lips with Brittany's. Brittany poured everything she had into the kiss before she pulled back and rested her head against Santana's. Both of them were panting heavily before Brittany spoke.

"I love you and you only Santana, always have, always will. Never doubt that."


End file.
